No new footage, just remembering....

Remembering Maxwell on his 8th Birthday

Thank you Jen for remembering our little Maxwell. I wanted more than anything to go and visit his grave today on his 8th birthday. I always feel so much peace when I am there. Thank you for doing what I can't because of distance. Love you!

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my sweet baby Maxwell. It was 8 years ago today that I held my baby in my arms. Maxwell was beautiful with dark brown hair and perfectly formed fingers and toes. It was hard to believe that he was in the NICU unit. I will forever remember the day when Jeremy came to my hospital bedside and told me that our baby Maxwell was not going to make it. Like any mother would do I tried to memorize everything about my baby. I held him close to me and examined his every detail. I felt my Savior's love for me as I held Maxwell in my arms. My earthly time with my baby was drawing to a close. I remember asking myself, "How am I going to say goodbye?" I continued to hold him close and feel of his warmth, so sweet, so very very perfect. I held his perfect little hand in mine and rubbed his tiny little fingers. I was the one holding him back and I knew that I needed to say goodbye for a season. On November 2, 2005 the nurse came in and told me that I had 30 more minutes to spend with Maxwell. The medical team would be here to take Maxwell into surgery shortly. Two baby boys in Canada and Mexico were waiting on the operating table for Maxwell's organs to arrive. I continued to hold Maxwell, kissing his face and each individual toe and finger. I told him that I loved him and that our family will be forever. My heart was broken. I knew I had to let him go. Just one more kiss, one more tight squeeze, one more time holding his hand in mine, one more time feeling his heart beat next to mine....one more one more. I took a deep breath and did the hardest thing that I have ever been asked to do. Wrapped in a soft white blanket I handed Maxwell to Pam, the NICU nurse. I told her to please take care of my baby and promise to keep him warm. My eyes were fixed on Maxwell, I didn't want to look away. As I sat there in my wheelchair my heart truly felt like it was ripped from within. My arms ached and I already longed to hold my precious baby. I thought of my Savior and the Atonement, He suffered all of this as well. He not only suffered for my sins, but for my pain, my sorrow and my anguish. My Savior understood what Jeremy and I were experiencing. The nurse took me around the corner and in a matter of seconds Maxwell was gone from my sight. I went back to my hospital room and sat alone. Maxwell's mission on earth was soon to be over. The clock confirmed that his surgery would be done shortly. I left the hospital with a vacant car seat, empty arms and a broken heart. However, what I did take home was a stronger testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that life is eternal and death is not the end, but really the beginning. During this time Jeremy and I felt the power of prayer. It truly was as if angels were lifting us through a most difficult time. Our experience with Maxwell was bittersweet. We tasted the bitter and now we have been blessed to taste the sweet that follows a trial. God lives and Jesus is the Christ, I am grateful for my knowledge that families are forever and I am so grateful for the words of my Savior, "Because I live, ye shall live also." This brings such peace to my soul! What a beautiful day it will be when I can once again hold my baby in my arms. Happy 8th Birthday Maxwell, we love you!!!!

Football Party

The other day it was the football party for all the Varisty, JV and Modified teams. Families were invited. However, I was the only mom there minus the servers. I am sure G was thrilled, especially when I asked for a picture. The party started at 6:00 and by 6:13 the pizza was gone! Those boys can eat!!!

Chief loves Cars

Yesterday, Jeremy and I went and did a little birthday shopping for G. Chief saw this car parked in the mall and thought it was pretty neat. He LOVES cars, motorcycles and anything fast. When we are driving he always points out the race cars. It's pretty funny because anything is a race car in his mind. Even the banged up Nissan Pulsar that drives by. He also tells me almost daily that he wants an orange skateboard. I am sure he would be able to do great on it, he is really coordinated.

Boys

Clark is such a tank! He's only 3 months and I think he is bigger than his older sister! :)

Rainbow Loom

Bean is loving her rainbow loom and has taught herself lots of different ways to make them.

To each their own....

I really don't know what to say. Chief loves going in the saucer and johnny jumper upside down. Whatever floats your boat little man.

Chief and Toad

I'm pretty sure these two boys are going to have lots of fun together. Oh boy!

Teething

Our little miss has been pretty ornery lately and has decided that she doesn't need a nap. I will put her down and she will cry hysterically forever. I always feel bad so I go and get her. This is not like her at all. Sure enough she has two bottom teeth waiting to pop through! Hopefully, once they come through she will go back to taking a good nap. Until the next ones surface....

Toad

I love this little toad so much. He is getting quite big.

Determined

 

Chief is one determined little boy and really wants a cookie. He soon found out I no longer hide them up there.

Hanging out with Dad

Autumn in Allegany

We love Allegany in all seasons. It is so beautiful there. This particular day we hiked 3 miles on the Black Snake trail. Chief practically ran the whole time. G always has us laughing and at one point in the hike stopped and ripped off his shirt. Not quite sure why. He is such a goof ball! Jeremy carried Adelaide on his back, while I had Clark in the front pack. Good times.